


Bucket  List 1 -- 26: Tell Her

by thecookiemomma



Series: Bucket List [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 02:53:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecookiemomma/pseuds/thecookiemomma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony tells her something  that's been bugging him for a very long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucket  List 1 -- 26: Tell Her

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an open series. I wasn't going to do anything with the bucket list, but a conversation with a friend inspired this story. I may work backward through the list, or I may skip around. I haven't decided yet. Enjoy!

26: Tell her.

 

Tony gazed up at Abby, took a slow sip of his Scotch, and frowned. This was harder than he imagined. He sighed, setting the glass down, and looked at it, pondering how to start.

 

“Does this have to do with that bucket list? You're not dying, are you, Tony? Because, if you're dying, I don't know how we'd handle it! You're our Tony!”

 

Tony looked up, and lifted a brow in question. “Am I, Abbs? Am I really part of the family?”

 

“Tonnn-eeee, why would you ask such a thing? Of course, you're part of the family! What in the world would make you think otherwise?”

 

Tony picked up the glass and swirled it around, watching the amber liquid circle inside. “You know how there are these things that bother you, and you try to brush them off, try to keep everything copacetic, try not to hurt anyone's feelings...” She looked clueless as he gazed up at her through hooded eyes, and he snorted his bitter amusement. _Maybe she didn't know that feeling._ He'd have to explain this differently. “When I was young, I ...” 

 

She cut him off. “Oh, Tony, were you – did he – I'll kill him,” she vowed, brandishing the little umbrella from her fruity cocktail viciously. “I won't be all Mister Nice Guy when he comes next time. I'll kill him and leave no forensic evidence!”

 

Tony shook his head and snorted, holding up his free hand. “No, Abbs, I got everything a little boy could want.”  _Except parental attention, but ..._ Tony brushed off the little voice that said she might be more right than he'd admit to anyone, least of all himself. “No. If you'd please let me finish?” He lifted both eyebrows in a clear echo of his boss, and she mimed zipping her lips. “When I was young, I was taught that the status quo was the important thing. Keep up appearances. It's a valid cultural value. A lot of Asian cultures have lived with it for years.” She looked interested, even nodded a little. “In my social circle, I was to find a way to deal with personal issues either one-on-one in private, or, if confrontation would mess with the way things were and how they needed to stay, I was to ignore it. Let it go away. It wasn't as important as making sure everything ran smoothly. That came in really handy, but it did a disservice to us in the long run.”  


Abby frowned. “If I'm understanding you right, Tony-bear, you're telling me that something happened – I did something – and you didn't tell me because it would've upset the way things needed to go at the time?” Tony nodded, glad she was understanding him. “Okay,” she drew the word out, her gravelly voice dropping a little as she kept it going. “If I hurt you, you couldn't tell me about it because you just  _couldn't._ ” Abby seemed to be going over her own behavior, probably starting from the most recent to the earliest. 

 Tony groaned, and she looked up at him. “Abbs, I don't want to bring this up. I _really_ don't want to bring this up. But I've seen the same attitude affect other things, other people than me. Most recently, Jimmy. But Tim, Gibbs, …” He paused. “Mainly us. It comes up again and again, though, and I can't help but wonder if I would have called you on it the first time, even at the risk of status quo, if you would have done several things very differently.” He stroked his chin and frowned. “I don't want to tell you this, and I'm not sure how you'll react.” He shifted in his seat, suddenly remembering why this was on the list in the first place. It was important, but it was very difficult. 

 Abby closed her eyes, her hands in her lap, preparing herself for damming news. He'd seen that posture so many times right before she'd say something that would prove she wasn't really listening to what they were saying. Not completely. “I'm ready.” She inhaled, and spoke again. “Hit me with it.”

 “Abby, no. Open your eyes. Look at me.” Tony had had a friend in Peoria whose mother had been Deaf. She would close her eyes when she didn't want to know, because in her world, her pre-vocal world, that was as effective as running out of the room. “You can't ignore this. I'm telling you this because it really bothers me. I need you to really listen.” 

 Abby opened her eyes, seeming to realize what she was doing. “Okay. Go ahead.” 

 “You love us all a lot, honey,” he spoke gently. “But you have us all in little boxes. When we do something that doesn't fit with how 'things ought to be', you don't deal very well with it. That's fine. That's pretty normal actually. However, when it starts to interfere with your job or your personal relationships, it's time to let things change. People change.” He rubbed harshly at his chin, then drank a long slow sip of his scotch. “When Gibbs left, you decided everything wasn't copacetic until he was back. For four months, I either wasn't good enough to be Gibbs, or I wasn't Gibbs enough.” He wasn't sure that was clear. “I know you missed your Silver Fox. Hell, all of us did. But I was the one left with the job of making sure you stayed healthy, busy, and we caught bad guys. I felt like you all would have rather I were the one gone. That you would have soldiered on just fine with Gibbs at the helm. I felt like I should have taken Rota and damn the consequences to the Boss' memory.” 

 As he spoke, he watched her eyes widen, and the tears start to form at the corners of her eyes. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. He'd hoped he'd be able to do this without the waterworks. No such luck, it appeared. He stood up, moving to the seat directly beside her. She turned, grabbed him around the middle, and lowered her head to his collarbone with a quick movement. He oof-ed at the smack of her hard forehead against his shoulder, and wrapped his arms around her. 

 “Shh, shh. I didn't say it to hurt you, Bella.” He whispered sweet nothings to her, waiting until she'd cried herself out, her mascara running down her cheeks and staining the OSU tee he wore. 

 “I didn't mean to hurt _you_ , Tony.” Tony blinked, the strokes of his hands pausing as she continued. “I was just so lost and I didn't know how things would be. I've never dealt with big changes well, and I don't see how things affect others until they point them out to me. Let me guess. Timmy and the dog. Gibbs and the Mexico thing, right?” He nodded. She was two for two. “And Jimmy...” That seemed to take a little more thought. “The bachelor party thing?” He nodded a little more deeply, but slowly. 

 “You got it, Bella. Maybe you ought to leave that cozy little room and come help me solve crimes.” He grinned. 

 “Oooh, no. Tempting, but no. I'd be a horrible agent, Tony, and then who would you get to coddle Major Mass Spec? He won't behave for just _anyone_ , you know.” 

 Tony laughed, shifted in his seat to snuggle his best girl buddy, and reached for his drink. “So. Tell me. Any new men in your life, or should I ask one of my frat brothers if he likes perky goths?” 

 The resulting “Tonnn—eeee” and arm slug made the couple at the next table turn, but it only made Tony laugh a lot louder. 


End file.
